


Mistakes We Made and Words We Didn't Say

by latchlovehours



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: All The Tropes, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, OBVIOUS happy ending, Post olympics, Will add more tags as we go, gotta get through the sea of angst first though, there will be buckets of fluff no need to stress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-02 18:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17269022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latchlovehours/pseuds/latchlovehours
Summary: He doesn’t think, doesn’t let himself think about her, because if he did, he knows he’d fall apart and never be able to be put back together again.So instead of thinking, he lets himself remember.‘It hurts less’, is what he tells himself every time he almost thinks about what exactly the fuck happened between them.ORits September 2023 and Scott Moir is nothing short of unhappy.How he let the best thing, or more specifically, the best person he's ever known slip right through his fingers, he'll never know.Good thing she's back to let him know exactly how he did.





	1. Canada day 2020- PREQUEL

**Author's Note:**

> hello, everyone! 
> 
> im back and better than ever! I hope you have all had wonderful new years and I wish you all nothing but the best this 2019! 
> 
> I've had this fic idea since about August and have been working on it steadily since then. I'm really excited to jump back into a multific and i hope youre ready to take the journey with me! 
> 
> its going to be a wild ride, so hang on folks.

PREQUEL **_— Canada Day 2020 —_ **

 

Tessa Virtue hasn’t missed a Moir family Canada Day barbecue in 19 years.

 

Not the year post first surgery, when Scott was with girlfriend 1,2, or 3, even the post Sochi year from hell. She is nothing but resilient, and Canada Day always seemed to be a day where she and Scott could put aside whatever the fuck what going between them at the time and enjoy some good food with good company.

 

Tessa Virtue has never missed a Canada Day, and she doesn’t plan on starting now.

 

She prides herself on this because Canada Day is so important to her and Scott, and this year will be the twentieth consecutive year she celebrates with him, his family, her family and all their closest friends.

 

She loves the fireworks at the end of the night, Alma’s famous homemade apple pie, her mom’s legendary potato salad, and being able to spend the day with all her favourite people.

 

Canada Day makes her smile, and why shouldn’t it? She gets to celebrate her country and gets to do it with her best friend.

 

This year, though, Is going to be different.

 

It’s their twentieth Canada Day spent together, and she’s decided she’s going to tell him that she loves him.

 

Not you’re my best friend and I love you, or you’re apart of the family and I have to love you I love you.

 

Its the I want to spend the rest of my days making you smile and loving you with every fibre of my being while having a handful of kids kind of I love you.

 

Tessa came to this conclusion the day they won the grand Prix final for the first time back in 2016. After they won, he gave her this look of pure adoration, so full of love, and in that moment something snapped inside her, like a light switch had been turned on.

 

She was starting to think feelings were there on both ends nearing the GPF, but thinking about it now, she knows that everything just clicked that day.

 

She knows Scott loves her too. Doesn’t know how she knows, or when she figured it out, but she feels it so deep inside her that he does and thats enough.

 

They both knew they couldn’t just jump head first into a relationship with the olympics, and the biggest year of their lives on the rise, so it was tabled.

 

And here we are, two years post Olympic fairytale and still, nothing.

 

So she’s decided to take it upon herself to jump head first because she doesn’t want to waste another day not loving him as he deserves. She’s done hiding from her feelings and waiting for him to do something. She wants to live and love and be loved and experience never-ending happiness, all with him.

 

And what better day than on their twentieth Canada Day.

 

She also wants to give him something, so that whenever she’s away on business or doing who knows what with one of their kids or when they’re in an argument he can look at whatever she gives him and remember this Canada Day and the amount of love between them, and then he’ll smile at the memory and will know that everything is going to be okay and that she loves him with all her heart, even when she’s not right next to him or things are not going so great.

 

She wracked her brain for weeks trying to figure out what she could possibly get him, something that isn’t cliche or childish or something he doesn’t already have.

 

It hit her while they were out walking around Montreal one night a few weeks ago and they passed by a tattoo parlour and Scott questioned why they never got olympic rings or a maple leaf tattooed.

 

She can’t remember how she answered but they continued on their walk and it wasn’t brought up again.

 

The whole rest of the walk was spent with the words _mapleleafmapleleafmapleleaf_ circulating through her brain over and over again.

 

When she woke up the next day the first thing she did was drive to the nearest mall, a woman on a mission.

 

She spent three hours in a goldsmiths shop designing and getting a custom engraved gold-plated maple leaf made.

 

She left the place with her wallet considerably lighter, but she couldn’t care less. She loves him and he loves her (doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out, he’s been looking at her like she hung the moon for years, its just that she’s ready to embrace that now) and she cant wait to give it to him.

 

She almost gives it to him three separate times before Canada day.

 

The first time is during Tuesday dinner at his place, he’s made his famous steak and potatoes and he’s talking about how much he loves life and how grateful he has been to get to spend it next to some of the most extraordinary people on the planet.

 

After he said that, he grabbed both of her hands and brought them to his heart, looked straight into her eyes and said “Tessa, you may be the most extraordinary of them all.”

 

She all about melted right there and it took everything, and she means everything in her not to give him the maple leaf and jump him right then and there.

 

The second time is when they were out grocery shopping because her fridge was dangerously low on supplies and he was trying to explain to her the difference between sautéing vegetables and steaming them.

 

She knew the difference, or thinks she did, but let him talk anyway, let him fill her in on all types of ways to cook vegetables and her heart swells because they’re so domestic and its so precious how invested he is in how she attempts to cook her food. She decided then she could get very used to weekly grocery trips, can see them in the future and she wants it so, so bad.

 

After he finished his rant about steaming vegetables, he looked at her and said “you weren’t even listening, were you?” She shrugged and giggled and he replied with “well in that case I guess ill just have to keep you alive and make all your meals then.”

 

Once he said that, she dropped the box of tea she was holding and jumped into his arms with no explanation, held on for dear life and muttered into his chest “id like that”. She could tell he was caught off guard by her outburst of affection but laughed his famous Scott Moir laugh anyway and hugged her even tighter back.

 

Once they got back to her house and unloaded everything and started getting ready for dinner, she made them stop and insisted they go back to his place because she couldn’t promise herself she wouldn’t give it to him right then.

 

The last time was two days ago, at the at the Ilderton skating rink. They travelled down from Montreal a few days prior for the exciting weekend ahead and Scott texted Tessa about 9pm that night asking if she wanted to head to the rink for a night skate.

 

Of course she said yes, she would never pass up a chance to skate with him, ever.

 

They spent the time at the rink just goofing around, chasing after each other, engulfing the other in bear hugs, going through random lifts and step sequences from their favourite programs.

 

She felt so free and so happy. The smile on her face could’ve lit up the darkest of rooms.

 

As they started to get tired (they’re not 23 and 25 anymore) they just skated lazily around in circles, Tessa tucked into his side with his arm tightly wrapped around her and his free hand is intertwined with hers.

 

This is _perfect_ , she thought. This moment right here is the beginning of _everything._

 

Then, he stopped abruptly in centre ice and pulled her into him. His face nuzzled into his favourite spot and her cheek was pressed against his chest.

 

They stayed like that for a while. Tessa swore she could’ve fallen asleep right there, listening to the steady sounds of his breathing, and the warmth radiating off of him.

 

This is what home feels like, she thought.

 

He then pulled her away from him and looked directly into her eyes, his eyes such a beautiful shade of hazel she got lost in them, not the first time and definitely not the last. She almost missed when he said her name.

 

But she was snapped out of her trance when his hand came up to rest against her cheek.

 

She nodded back, silently telling him to continue.

 

“Tess, youre the greatest woman I’ve ever known.” A pause “you know that, right?”

 

She didnt respond, instead just softly smiled back, tears gathering in her eyes.

 

There were about a million things going through her mind, but she knew, could feel that this is it. She’s going to tell him she loves him now and then give him the leaf on Canada day as an added surprise- she would give it to him now but its stored safely away in her suitcase at her moms.

 

This was it, this was the moment she was going to tell her kids and grandkids about, the moment she knew that this was forever.

 

“Tessa.” he pressed a kiss to her forehead

 

“Scott.” She hugged him tighter

 

He hesitated before speaking again, it was slight, but she noticed, of course she did.

 

“Thank you, for everything.”

 

She tried not to look too upset and disappointed right away, knew he would pick up on such a slip (he did) but that doesn’t mean it broke her heart any less.

 

“You’re, uh, welcome,” she said as she slid out of his arms, shivering at the loss of contact “We should get going right? Its getting late.”

 

She turned away from him, brought her arms into her chest to try and bring back some warmth to her now ice cold body. She took in a deep breath, wipes her eyes of her tears and continued towards the boards.

 

And that was the end of that.

 

Those three times Tessa has never been so close to caving in on her plans. Even though the last time didnt go as planned, she knows, knows with every fibre of herself that he loves her as much as she loves him.

 

So as she sits on her old childhood bed, getting mentally ready for the big day ahead as she hasn’t had any coffee yet, holding the maple leaf delicately in her hands, running her fingers along the edges, then flips it so she can read the writing on the back, a soft smile on her face as she traces the letters with her pointer finger.

 

_I love you always_

_xx_

_T_

She’s ready.

 

She’s supposed to head to the Moir’s at 12, and its just past 9:30am so she has some time to kill.

 

She heads downstairs, and to the kitchen, praying that her mom left her some coffee.

 

Instead of finding coffee in the kitchen she finds Jordan, her sister sitting patiently at the island with a grin so mischievous Tessa is a little frightened.

 

“Good morning T”

 

“Morning J, how did you sleep?”

 

“Oh I slept just fine thanks.”

 

“Thats great jord, do you wa-“ shes cut off as Jordan hops off her chair and basically jumps at Tessa.

 

“WE’RE GOING ON A BOAT!” She literally screams

 

“Im sorry, we’re doing what now?”

 

“You remember Matt right?” She asks

 

“You mean the one you went to law school with?”

 

“Yes! Well, he has a yacht, Tess! And he’s taking us and a bunch of people out on the boat for Canada Day!! How exciting is that?!”

 

 _No no no no no not exciting at all_ is the first thing that Tessa thinks.

 

She has plans, big, big life-altering plans that cannot, and she means cannot wait.

 

“Jord, im sorry but today is actually very important and I cant go on this boat with you and a bunch of people I dont know!”

 

“Sorry Tess, but I dont care about your plans, youre coming with me.”

 

She tries to open her mouth to rebuttal and explain why she cant come when Jordan starts up again

 

“Who knows, maybe you’ll meet the love of your life on this boat?”

 

 _Not possible, already have_ she thinks and internally rolls her eyes.

 

She regretfully agrees to Jordans plans, and sends Scott a text about how she wont be able to make it, but would love for him to come.

 

He doesn’t respond and it hurts, she knows how special Canada Day is for them and she wants nothing more than to be with him and their families, but it doesn’t seem as if thats going to happen so she’s got to suck it up until after her day on the yacht.

 

Tessa and Jordan leave to go to the boat around noon, still no word from Scott and she tries to ignore the sliver of fear in her chest, she really hopes he isn’t upset and wishes he knew how badly she wants to be with him right now.

 

But thats not how today is playing out so far, so she’s going to put on a famous Tessa Virtue Smile and pray to god that the boat docs before 9pm so she can make it to the Moir’s for the fireworks and set her plan into motion.

 

When they get to the doc, Matt- Jordans friend- and about a dozen other people Tessa has never seen in her life before are all crowded on the platform below the yacht waiting to get on.

 

The boat is huge, literally huge. Tessa may be well off thanks to skating and her parents have always had money, but never in her wildest dreams could she ever afford this and it blows her mind a little bit at how rich Matt and his family must be.

 

It takes about an hour for everyone to get on the boat, get drinks and start dancing away.

 

It takes about an hour and a half before Tessa realizes she hates this boat and all the drunk people on it. All she wants is to be with Scott and to give him the maple leaf and run off into the sunset hand in hand.

 

Once everyone is dancing and drinking away, Tessa sneaks off to the bottom deck and finds a nice couch to sit on and look out onto the water. She keeps her phone close, silently hoping Scott will text her.

 

She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting on the couch when she’s startled out of her daydream by a person stumbling into her zone of the boat.

 

She laughs as she sees mystery man attempt to walk towards her, and fail, bumping into numerous things on the way.

 

Once he’s close enough to the couch, he flops down beside Tessa and looks her dead in the eyes.

 

He’s got these piercing blue eyes she swears are more beautiful than any ocean in the world and _wow_ they are just gorgeous.

 

It could’ve been 10 years or 10 minutes before one of them breaks eye contact, Tessa doesn’t know. 

 

She pulls her eyes away abruptly because the only eyes she wants to stare into with such ferocity are a beautiful mix of brown and hazel and even specs of green and gold in the right light.

 

“Your eyes are beautiful, miss Tessa Virtue” mystery man says

 

She’s taken back because, how does he know her name?

 

_You're a five-time Olympian Tessa, that's how he knows your name_

 

She takes a beat too long to reply and before she can open up her mouth to say something, he jumps back in.

 

“The names James” he smiles brightly and jesus he’s got nice teeth “ha, that rhymed.”

 

He extends a hand out to shake and she takes it, his hand feels nice, warm, comforting.

 

The moment ends quickly when he lets go of her hand and jumps up from where he was sitting on the couch.

 

“Well, are you gonna say anything Tessa?” He laughs 

 

“I-i was just trying to come up with something” she stammers quickly and is she blushing? She wants to jump off the boat.

 

He just smiles back at her and replies with “instead of trying to do that, lets go dance. You look too pretty to be sitting here all by yourself.”He extends a hand towards her for her to take.

 

And for some reason she cant identify right now, she agrees to go do some dancing, and takes his outstretched hand and lets him lead her back up to the main deck.

 

She lets herself go for a while, drinking, dancing and genuinely having a good time, until her phone buzzes, that is.

 

Tessa slowly dances her way out of the dance floor and makes her way to the other side of the deck where its quiet.

 

The text is from her mom

 

_‘ Hope you and Jordan are having a great time on the boat! The party at the Moir’s is fantastic, as usual. Scotty’s been asking for you though- hope you can make it for fireworks tonight, stay safe! ‘_

 

And then it all comes rushing back, drinks and dancing and a man with gorgeous blue eyes aside she had a plan to do something today and she fully intends on following through with it.

 

Obviously someone out there is watching over her today because it is no short of a miracle when Matt tells the group they have to turn around and doc the yacht before the fireworks tonight because the boat is about to run out of gas. 

 

They doc around 9:30, which gives her one hour exactly to get to the Moirs before the fireworks go off at 10:30. She wishes they would’ve been off the boat by 9, but she’s got to work with what she’s given, so one hour it is.

 

She hasn’t had a drink in a couple of hours, and she’s been drinking lots of water so she’s good to drive her and Jordan over, thank god she thought ahead, or shed have no way of getting to the Moirs before Jordan is no way capable of driving.

 

They pull into the driveway at 10:15 and she’s got 15 minutes to find Scott and confess her deepest feelings for him and she’s never been more terrified yet excited for anything in her entire life.

 

She deposits Jordan with her mother and Alma and asks them where Scott is, they tell her he’s by the barn with Danny having a beer and a chat.

 

Her heart is beating out of her chest, she’s shaking slightly as she makes her way over to the two men.

 

She’s trying to figure out what to say but her mind is so full of thoughts and hopes and dreams and maybe she should just kiss him when she walks up to him and that’ll be enough.

 

She has the maple leaf in her hands, pressed against her heart.

 

She’s never been more ready for anything.

 

She’s ready to start her life with him and never look back.

 

She sees them in the distance, and you couldn’t wipe the smile off her face if you tried.

 

This is the beginning of everything.

 

She’s about 100 feet away from them when she hears what they’re talking about.

 

“Im telling you Scotty, you’ve got to go for it, you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

 

“At this point” Scott slurs, 100% on the south side of tipsy “I don’t want anything to do with her”

 

Her heart clenches, she stops breathing for a second and she stops moving, they cant be talking about her

 

“Just let me help you, little brother, you’ll be happy, once and for all”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you, Danny, I don’t want her. Never have, never will”

 

“You’ve waited your entire fucking life for happiness. Why not reach out and take it?”

 

“Shes not the one, like I said, never has been, never will be. Im telling you Danny, she’s not the one, id know if she was, I’ve known her long enough don’t you think?”

 

That unbreakable smile that was pattered on her face about 30 seconds earlier, is gone, with no sign of it coming back.

 

She was wrong.

 

He doesn’t love her back.

 

How could she have been so wrong, so stupid, so naive?

 

In the blink of an eye, her world has come crashing down around her and everything is on fire.

 

She leans into a tree behind the barn for support and holds back a sob that's about to rip from her chest.

 

She feels like her world is exploding and everything she’s ever known has been turned upside down and backwards.

 

She looks down at the golden maple leaf in her shaking hands, tears streaming down her face at a racing pace.

 

Where did she go wrong?

 

How could she have misjudged this whole thing?

 

The entire two years post olympic glory come racing back to her at once in a fury. Winning the Olympics then Japan, Antwerp, SOI, thank you Canada 1.0 and 2.0, GMP 2019, the numerous nights spent at each other's houses in the same bed, the dinner dates that weren’t specified as dates, the dying need for the co-dependency.

 

This was supposed to be her happy ending.

 

she cant be here anymore. She has to get away, has to move, or she cant promise she’ll ever move again.

 

So she picks herself up from the ground, how she ended up on the ground she’s unsure of, and makes a mad dash back to the house.

 

She’s about to enter the house when the fireworks start, she turns around in a start to see them, but all she sees are blurs of light thanks to her never-ending flow of tears.

 

“Happy twentieth Canada Day, Scott.” She whispers into the night, no one around to hear.

 

She closes her eyes, causing another run of tears to flow down her cheeks, takes in a deep breath and turns back to the door.

 

She sprints through the house, bypassing a clearly worried Joe, who shouts after her as she heads for the door but doesn’t catch her in time before she’s sprinting towards her car.

 

She drives home, unaware of how she makes it to her house in one piece.

 

She parks, unlocks her front door and steps inside.

 

The second she gets inside the house, she collapses on the ground and screams, letting out the most gut-wrenching noise she’s ever let expel from her petite frame.

 

She’s still clutching the maple leaf to her chest like a lifeline when she cries herself to sleep that night.

 


	2. I blinked and you disappeared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn’t think, doesn’t let himself think about her, because if he did, he knows he’d fall apart and never be able to be put back together again.
> 
>  
> 
> So instead of thinking, he lets himself remember.
> 
>  
> 
> ‘It hurts less’, is what he tells himself every time he almost thinks about what exactly the fuck happened between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMEMBER !! scott has NO IDEA tessa was there that fateful canada day 2020, so keep that in mind while you read.  
> hes completely in the dark, so lets take a look at scotts pov from these past few years!

**_— September 2023 —_ **

He doesn’t think, doesn’t let himself think about _her_ , because if he did, he knows he’d fall apart and never be able to be put back together again.

 

So instead of thinking, he lets himself remember. 

 

_‘It hurts less’_ , is what he tells himself every time he almost thinks about what exactly the fuck happened between them.

 

There wasn’t a big fight, or some fall out. 

 

There was no cheating or death or some nasty divorce. 

 

It happened slowly, _organically_ almost. 

 

One day she was here, the next she just wasn’t. 

 

‘life got in the way’ has never been more apparent than any other time in the history of the world. 

 

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair as he sits on their bench (read: its not really their bench he just likes to think it is) in their favourite park in Montreal. Its been five years since the last time they were here together, sitting on this very bench. Her head resting on his shoulder, hands intertwined, it was simply perfect and he wants to throw up at the memory. 

 

The last time was the night before leaving for peyoncheng, when everything was right in the world. 

 

When he wants to remember, he comes here, and for the moments he allows himself to remember and almost think, he’s completely happy and at peace. 

 

But like every good moment, it all comes crashing down when reality hits him right in the gut that Tessa Virtue, who was once the focal point of Scott Moir’s life, now just floats in the background, a distant memory of what was and what could’ve been.

 

Its one that he fights to bring back every god damn day since that fateful day. Wednesday, August 21st, 2021 when the realization smacked him straight in the face that his Tessa, his beautiful Tessa Jane, had slipped right through his fingertips, and he didnt even notice. 

 

But, thats the thing, he didnt realize what was happening until it was too late. Three years too late to be exact.

 

That thought makes him actually shudder, because how in a million years could he not realize she was slipping away from him. He was supposed to know, was supposed to be able to sense something was off. its been his job for how many years to pick up on when things were off. 

 

But maybe thats the thing, maybe nothing was off, maybe life just carried on and Tessa decided to carry on too. 

 

He tries not to throw up at that potential fact because how could they choose to just ‘carry on’ with their lives separately, they made a promise to each other during the comeback and he remembers it as if it was yesterday. 

 

**_— January 2016 —_ **

 

_“its not going to be like it was” she says, fiercely “i wont let it. I wont let the game, the isu or the politics tear us apart. Im in this, Scott. I promise”_

 

_“I promise too, kiddo. This is for us, we get to control what happens now, and after.”_

 

_“After” she pauses “is going to be different too. You’re stuck with me, for as long as you want. Im not losing you this time, I wont.”_

 

_She says it with such a fire behind her eyes he actually believes her._

 

**_— Present Day —_ **

 

After that conversation he truly believed he had it all. He would get his rightfully deserved gold medals, get his girl, become a coach and everything else would work itself out. 

 

He got 2/3, so he should be happy, should probably be over the moon and be smiling all hours of the day until his face hurts.

 

Unfortunately for him though, there is a Tessa virtue sized hole in his heart that will never be filled by anyone but the woman who causes it, so no, he’s not happy, not even close.

 

So thats why he remembers, he wants to remember the days where he felt as if he was on top of the motherfucking world. 

 

**_— Post Peyoncheng —_ **

 

When they got back from the games, they were literally attached at the hip. 

 

He went to all her media and sponsor events, and she went to all his charity hockey games. 

 

They toured so, so much. The ‘Thank You Canada Tour’ is still to this day his favourite tour that he’s ever done and its where he made some of his greatest, happiest memories. 

 

They planned on touring for as long as they could, told the media they’d committed to at least the end of 2019, but they both knew they would go until the world was sick of them. 

 

They did joint media campaigns all the time, his favourite being the ‘Our Calvins’ one during summer 2019 that he was sure actually caused twitter to break down for a few hours. 

 

He laughs at that now, how embarrassed Tessa was at the fact “we actually broke the internet, Scott! What the hell!” 

 

He remembers the flush that creeped up her neck and into her cheeks and how he pulled her in for a hug and placed a soft kiss to her temple, a smile plastered on his face when he said back “well kiddo, we’ve done it all now.”

 

They even co-hosted some skating events the following season, chiming in on the new up and coming talents. 

 

They were attached at the hip, and everyone knew it. 

 

It was nice, really, but once all the media finally calmed down the fall of 2019, they had no reason to stay attached. 

 

But because they were them, they did. 

 

**_— Winter 2019 —_ **

 

They had a standing brunch date at the bag lady every Sunday morning, she still came to all the Moir family barbecues and he always took a weekend off every few months to head up to the cottage with her for their ‘people and life detox’ as she called it. he was always confused as to why he was invited, if she was trying to get away from people, then why did she invite him? He would always ask why and she would always answer "fine then, its a detox from life and anyone who isnt you."

 

She never missed a Moir Christmas dinner, not since she was 18 and she always stayed the night on New Years because “Scott, you don’t get it, you and your family, and my family all here together, its all I need. I dont need or want to go get plastered or go hook up with random guys. I want to be here, with the people I love.” 

 

She said that New Years Eve 2020 and Scott rang in 2020 with a newfound hope, that maybe, just maybe, their time was coming. Boy was he wrong.

 

New Years 2021, she was in Paris, with her boyfriend. 

 

And that boyfriend wasn’t him.

 

**_— 2020 —_ **

 

After ringing in 2020 though, something changed, in both of them. On and off the ice. 

 

First, without warning his back started to give out more often then not and her legs hurt more then they had in years, so with heavy hearts they both decided it was time to call it quits just after new years 2020, which still to this day one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. 

 

Not being able to do shows and stay connected with Tessa in a way only he could absolutely killed him. Both him and Tessa actually cried about it one night. They were over at his place, the day they released the statement to cbc and drank about 3 bottles of wine and cried and cried and cried. Cried for each other, cried because they were losing the one thing that no one could ever take away from them, cried for their unknown future- thinking back, he realizes why he was crying about that last one now. He was crying because he wouldn't be able to stand losing her, and look at that, he was right, he hasn't been able to live, live fully anyway, now thats hes lost her. 

 

Secondly, two years post Peyoncheng, he still hadn’t asked the question, they still hadn’t had the conversation. There was still no definition as to what they were, and it seemed she had enough and was ready for _more-_ with someone who wasn’t her skating partner of 23 years.

 

Their actions still stayed the same though, which was the most confusing thing of all. He was still sleeping over in her Montreal apartment, in her bed, at least 4 nights a week. They still cuddled on the couch and watched movies all the time. He made 90% of her meals and they went to joint workout classes together. 

 

They were happy and domestic and holy shit he was (still is) so in love her. 

 

The part that really fucks him up though, is that he thought she was in love him him too. 

 

(what he didnt know, and wont know until a drunken Tessa and a couple Thursdays from now that she had thought he never loved her like that, didn’t want her like that, so with a broken heart and sad smile, she pulled away. Thats what she thought he wanted and all she wanted was for him to be happy.) 

 

They had a moment, right before Canada Day 2020, at centre ice of the Ilderton skating rink and he thought right then he was going to spill his guts to her and they wold skate off into the sunset forever. He was going to take the plunge and everything would work out.

 

But he froze. 

 

He couldn’t articulate exactly how he felt to her because he feels, and felt so, so much and he should’ve just kissed her and ended all the waiting and the wondering but he didn’t. 

 

So instead, he thanked her. like an idiot. He thought, prayed that in some sick and twisted way she would pick up on what he was trying to say. 

 

_“thank you for loving me”_

 

_“thank you for not leaving me every time you could’ve, and probably should’ve.”_

 

_“thank you for being the greatest person I’ve ever known”_

 

But she didn’t. 

 

Instead, when he spoke, her face fell, for a fraction of a second and he still doesn’t quite understand why she looked so disappointed and hurt. 

 

She skated away from him, hands tucked into herself and for the first time in years, she looked small and scared and it left him standing in the middle of centre ice regretting absolutely everything. 

 

That moment, when he should’ve just opened his heart and finally let her in 100% and didn’t, that moment, was the beginning of the end, and he didn’t even realize it. 

 

His theory was proven when the next day she had missed her first Canada Day Barbecue in 20 years.

 

It would’ve been their 20th Canada day barbecue together. And she missed it. 

 

She had texted him that morning, a quick 

 

_‘Hey, Scott, happy Canada Day! Im so sorry, but I wont be able to make it today, Jordan and I are going on a boat with some people and I just couldn’t say no! Id love for you to come, if you want? Ill try to make it back for the fireworks, fingers-crossed”_

 

Thinking about it now, he realizes shed asked him to be there, she wanted him there. 

 

Then, though, all he could think about was how she wasn’t coming, not even thinking to take the offer she put on a silver platter in front of him. He should’ve gone. Didn't, couldn’t have realized then that him not going, would have such a drastic effect on what came next with them. 

 

Its been over a year since he’s seen his radiant Tessa in person and he wonders if he’d be with her right now, kissing her, holding her, maybe shed even have a ringer on her finger if he decided to say ‘fuck it’ and send back

 

_‘yeah, tess, id love to come.’_

 

Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, he was the one who pulled away first, but thats not an avenue he wants to go down right now.

 

He obviously didnt know then he’d be sitting on this bench alone, three years later, but back then, it was fine because she was young and as beautiful as ever and carefree and on top of the world, and proved over and over again that she would always, always come back to him. 

 

She didnt have an obligation to be at his family barbecues though, and that realization on that Canada Day hit him like a truck, because she was never, ever forced to be there, she went because she wanted to. 

 

And instead of being there, with his and her families, she was on a boat drinking who knows what with god knows who dancing the night away and fuck he should've been there.

 

So instead of watching the fireworks with her, he sat alone, back against the barn in his parents backyard, sulking and drunk out of his mind after having a talk with Danny that he still cant quite remember to this day.

 

What he does remember though, is as the first fireworks went off he whispered into the darkness “Happy twentieth Canada Day, Tess.”

 

That was probably the first Canada day Scott Moir had ever cried. 

 

**_— Fall 2020 —_ **

 

Things got better after that, though. His heart still hurt a bit and he longed for her presence everyday. 

 

They still went to brunch and she came over for dinner once a month and it was all great and he was so relieved at the sense of normalcy back in his life. 

 

What wasn’t normal though, was her behaviour. 

 

She was still his best friend and love of his life, still laughed loud and was as carefree as ever. But when it came to just them two, she changed. 

 

All of the sudden she was flinching at his touch, which she had not done in over 20 years. She would pull away from a hug that was already too short, refused to cuddle on the couch anymore while watching a movie, and she decided that him sleeping over, in her bed, probably wasn’t the best idea anymore. not to mention when she smiled, it never quite reached her eyes anymore, that was the most upsetting thing of all and whenever he tried to broach the subject of how she was doing, Shed dismiss it and change the subject. He should've pushed harder, tried harder, she deserved that.

 

He was so, so confused and he just let it happen, let her put up these walls that he was supposed to have the hammer to breakthrough but all of the sudden couldn't. Why didn’t he just ask what was wrong. He could’ve handled what she said, he just wanted to know if she was, if they were, okay. 

 

Then all of the sudden, without warning, came this new variable, and his name was James. 

 

They met on the Canada Day from hell (in Scotts mind anyway) and he really shouldn’t have been surprised. 

 

He wouldn’t sit her down and have the conversation they both desperately wanted and needed but didnt know how to initiate, so he let them stay stagnant, in their weird limbo of what are we what aren’t we. He didnt scoop her up and kiss her and claim her and fuck her hard against a wall until she forgot her own name. 

 

Instead he let them fall apart, and its a sad reality he has to face every fucking day.

 

He doesn’t have a reason as to why he didnt do those things, he just, didnt. He wishes someone would've smacked him upside the head and told him to get his shit together and go get her, wishes he could go back in time and do it to himself.

 

And to this very day, with his ass on this stupid fucking bench, is his biggest regret. When thinking about it, which is something he doesn’t let himself do often, especially on this subject, he can never come up with a reason as to why he never ‘put a ring on it’ as Jordan and Danny used to say to bug him. 

 

Its like he thought that one day he would wake up and they’d end up being married with a couple of kids and a dog and maybe a fish and a really nice house somewhere in Montreal. 

 

So really, its his fault she meets James, and he’s haunted with it over and over again that he wasn’t there, on that boat, when he could’ve been, and should’ve been. 

 

They start dating September of 2020 and he sweeps her off her feet. 

 

He takes her to Paris every once in a while, buys her fresh flowers every Tuesday because thats her least favourite day of the week, always knows when they go out and she's had enough and needs to go home to some quiet. He promises her a life that she loves and she couldn’t be happier (she could’ve been, but he doesn’t know that, yet). 

 

He’s smart and owns his own law firm and is her age and has a dog and a stable family and a bunch of nieces and nephews he adores and has a house that screams “Tessa!” 

 

He’s tall, dark and handsome with piercing blue eyes and has Kate Virtue’s seal of approval before she’s even met him. 

 

Scott dates too, and honestly does a half decent job at it, but he never ever finds anything that he feels will last more than a month or two. They never meet the family, he just doesn’t ever feel it with them. 

 

He knows he wont ‘feel it’ with anyone except Tessa, so until the day Tessa declares her undying love for him, which at this point in his life is very unlikely, he will just be fun uncle Scott. 

 

Strangely enough, though, he’s okay with it. Why would he settle for anything less than what (more likely who) he wants. He wont do that to some unfortunate soul who just wants to be loved whole heartedly, and he wont be able to give them that. 

 

He gave his heart to a special little girl at nine years old and hasn’t looked back since, so why would he now?

 

So, when she officially starts dating James, things just continue to spiral out of control from there. He knew it was coming, or new something was coming, could feel it in his bones, he just couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. 

 

And then it happens.

 

Her schedule was all of the sudden too packed for Sunday brunch, so it was changed to coffee every second Wednesday at Starbucks. 

 

Then all of the sudden she’s modelling and has her own fashion line and is a worldwide influencer and is an inspiration and role model to girls all over the planet. She’s even got her MBA and slowly but surely, took over the world, just as he knew she would. 

 

And he’s so, so proud. Still, to this day, wherever she is, he is in constant awe of her.

 

**_— 2021 —_ **

 

Everyone could see she was trying to keep everything together, keep it all the same, trying desperately to keep him close, keep him for _always_ because thats what she’d promised, and would die trying to keep that promise to him, because he deserved more than coffee whenever her schedule allowed. She knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. 

 

But like he said, at the end of the day, life just gets in the way, and boy, did it ever. 

 

She would make an appearance every once in a while, when time allowed. She was making sure she wouldn’t be forgotten, wouldn’t be erased, just because she’s following her dreams. 

 

But who could he kid, he couldn’t forget her if he fucking tried. 

 

Every time she came back, though, it was like nothing had changed, they were still Tessa and Scott, the kids from London and Ilderton Ontario who accidentally were decent at ice dancing and had the ability to charm the world with one look. 

 

Two best friends, olympic champions, a relationship that was unbreakable. 

 

That was, until she left at the end of the night, and the harsh reality that even the strongest, most solid relationship you could ever want, is most definitely, breakable _._

 

Because no, they wouldn’t be meeting for Starbucks tomorrow morning anymore because even though its the only time in her week home she’s not doing anything, he is coaching three very successful teams and with the grand prix season coming up, he cant afford to be away from the rink. 

 

In the end she has a flight she almost forgot about, but didnt, so they wouldn’t have ended up seeing each other anyway.

_** ** _

**_— August 2021 —_ **

 

He coaches at Gadbois and loves every second of it. Its what he’s meant to do, feels it in his bones he’s not meant to be anywhere else when he’s on the ice with his teams. Its absolutely everything to him, he just wishes the _person_ that is everything to him could be here to see it. 

 

But she’s in Paris with James on another business trip and he tries to ignore the burning in his chest whenever he steps on the ice alone, after his teams have left for the day and he just feels empty. 

 

Its that night, Wednesday, August 21st, 2021, standing at centre ice when he realizes, she’s gone, and he doesn’t know if she’s ever coming back. 

 

So for the first time since the Canada Day from hell, he cries, and cries, and cries until he’s shed every last tear and feels nothing but empty, because there is a Tessa sized hole in his heart that no one, will ever be able to fill (except her, of course). 

 

**_— Present Day —_ **

 

Thinking about that Wednesday sends shivers down Scotts back. He’s been sitting on the fucking bench for who knows how long and he knows its time for him to head back to his apartment for dinner, he’s got practice with his teams in the morning and needs a good night rest. 

 

Its at this point when he would usually stop remembering and almost thinking, but for some reason, he decides to keep remembering the events that have taken place in these past few years tonight, its like he wants to hurt. 

 

He wont admit it out loud, but he lets himself hurt because its the only thing he truly 100% feels deep inside himself anymore. 

 

Skating, his family, his teams, they make him superficially happy, they make him smile and laugh. 

 

But its never enough, it doesn’t radiate deep into him and he doesn’t think it’ll ever be enough to overcome the pain of letting his girl disappear right in front of him. 

 

It puzzles him though. He doesn’t know if he should be allowed to feel like this, feel hurt so intensely. He knows she tried so, so hard to keep him as a constant presence in her life, he cant blame her for following her dreams and would never in a thousand lifetimes ever stop her from being as brilliant as he knows she is. 

 

Maybe he’s not hurt because Tessa got away from him, maybe he feels hurt because he let her get away. 

 

He sighs again and lets his shoulders droop a bit as he walks back home and continues to remember and almost think. 

 

_**— February 2022 —** _

 

The last time he sees her is February 20th, 2022, their 4 year anniversary of Peyoncheng. She only has an hour to spare for a quick coffee as her and James and her team are headed to the Bahamas that afternoon for a photoshoot for her newest line of swimwear. As shes leaving, she gives him a quick hug and says to him "ill see you around Scott, dont be a stranger." 

 

**_— March 2022 —_ **

 

When he first heard Tessa and James had gotten engaged in March of 2022 he dropped his glass of water and the glass shattered, just like his heart. If he ever thought he had a chance at getting her back, that was now a permanent _‘never going to happen’_ and it hits him so intensely he has to sit down.

 

 

He didn’t know what to think, exactly, other than ‘ _are you fucking kidding me’_. 

 

There was no way he could sit through their wedding, he wouldn’t, he’d fake sick or blame it on skating commitments or maybe he’d just die of a broken heart, any of the options seemed better then seeing his best friend and the only woman who would ever make him feel whole again, get married to some other chump. 

 

His heart was officially shattered, with absolute no way of being put back together.

 

He heard through his mother and Kate, who he still sees regularly because Alma and Kate are still very close about the engagement and that Tessa moved into James house in Toronto one month post engagement. 

 

Kate said that she’s happy, except something is most definitely off and that she hasn’t seen the famous Tessa Virtue smile that reaches her eyes in years. 

 

When Kate told him that, his heart- if possible- broke a little more, because that smile, was and still is the most beautiful thing in the world to him, and the fact no one has seen it, in years, Is an injustice to the world. An injustice to Tessa, especially Tessa.

 

Because if she’s truly happy, she’d be smiling with her eyes, all the time. He knows this. 

 

But she’d been engaged, to another man, so there was nothing he could do to bring it back. That was up to James now, to find the smiling, happy girl he met at nine years old. 

 

Making her happy was no longer his job, and if that isn’t a hard pill to swallow, Scott doesn’t know what is. 

 

When he found out from Danny in June of 2022, on the phone that the engagement was off, he dropped a bowl, smashed it, actually, and he couldn’t have given a shit less about that bowl. 

 

Because Tessa Virtue, his Tessa Virtue, was a single woman, once again. 

 

And for the first time in who knows how long, he’d actually smiled, almost felt a sense of hope. 

 

The reason why she was single though, haunted him for weeks. 

 

Danny explained to him that Tessa was headed to a photoshoot with Adidas, and realized she had forgotten her makeup bag at home. She asked Jordan, who was coming to watch the shoot, if she could swing by the house and pick it up for her. 

 

When she got there she used the spare key in the mailbox to get in and yelled for James when she opened the door. There was no answer. His car was in the driveway, so she was slightly confused. As she walked around the house trying to find him though, she saw random pieces of clothes and a few shoes scattered over the place. 

 

She tried not to think much of it, maybe Tessa and James had gotten it on before she left, wouldn’t be the first time.

 

When she started to head up the stairs though, was when she heard it. 

 

“ _when is she coming back?”_

 

_“not for a while, baby, she’s at a shoot, wont be home for hours.”_

 

_“good”_

 

It took everything in Jordan not to go up there and kill him with her own two hands. So instead, she walked right into the middle of whatever the fuck was going on between him and his assistant for gods sake, and stood in the door with her hands on her hips and fury in her eyes. 

 

He looked at her with a smug grin and a shrug.

 

So she grabbed the makeup bag, chucked a heel of Tessa’s at his head and walked out the door. 

 

She waited until after the shoot to say anything, and even then stayed silent the entire drive back to the house, eyes never leaving Tessa’s left ring finger.

 

When they got to the house and had walked into the kitchen, Jordan didn’t even have to say anything to Tessa as there was a single note on the counter. 

 

_Tessa,_

 

_Leave the ring and the key in the box on the porch outside._

_Make sure to lock the door on the way out._

_Ill be back in three days and all your shit better be gone._

 

_James_

 

From what Danny said, Tessa didnt say anything, just ran to the bathroom, puked her guts out for what seemed like forever, then got up, packed all of her things into the back of Jordan’s and her car, and headed back to Tessa’s London house. 

 

By the time Danny had finished telling Scott, he felt physically ill. 

 

But he also felt anger, fury, disappointment, resentment, guilt. 

 

He would never have done that to her, and she didn't deserve that, not her, she’s too good. 

 

He was reminded that day though, that people are awful and always take advantage of the good ones, and Tessa, she’s the best one. 

 

She left Toronto for London just over a year ago and Scott still hasn’t seen her, not once. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hold on folks, we are just getting started. 
> 
> come yell at me on twitter @moremoir or leave me a comment, those make my day :)


	3. You’re Coming Into Focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One surprising phone call  
> Some big news  
> And 7 whole days to freak out about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I feel as if I’ve left you hanging long enough. So here is my favorite chapter so far! 
> 
> So big things happen in this chapter so make sure to pay attention

He’s kicking himself right now, sitting at his kitchen table eating some teriyaki chicken as he attempts to once again formulate a pan to reunite with her. All he has to do is try harder to see her next time he’s passing though London, because she needs him and he sure as hell needs her.

 

He’s tried and tried to find her, tried to track her down whenever she’s home, but since the breakup, she’s constantly going, only in the country for a few days, sometimes only hours at a time before she’s off to Rome or Japan or the Bahamas or who knows where.

 

If asked about why she’s traveling so much or about not finding/having a home base, she plasters on her fake, forced media ready smile that Scott spent his entire life trying to avoid, and she starts off with something like “oh, you know, work, always keeping me on the go” andalways makes sure to end with “i love what I do, so I don’t mind the travel.”

 

He’s seen all the interviews, and just like from their skating days, always has some variation of the same line memorized for every question should could possibly be asked. Always prepared, not showing herself too much, but showing enough to keep the vultures happy.

 

She does mind the travel though, he spent 23 years witnessing what an abundance of travel does to Tessa Virtue.

 

As this conversation is happening, she would say to herself, ‘keep smiling, look engaged, keep smiling, look engaged, keep smiling, look engaged.” Over and over and over.

 

He would bet a lot of money that she still repeats that mantra whenever she’s being interviewed.

 

He knows why she’s traveling so much though, and is probably the only one who does. He can see it in her eyes as she speaks.

 

He spent his entire life figuring her out. So, he figures out, and fairly easily, thats she’s running. From what, or who, he doesn’t know, but she’s afraid.

 

He knows she doesn’t want to feel, because if she does, she’ll break, she’ll fall apart and not be able to be put back together because James broke her, he cheated on her then kicked her out of her house like she was dirt.

 

So she consumes herself with work and obligations and instagram posts, blocking out all reality other than her professional one. She can hide behind her professional life, doesnt have to show too much, prove anything to anyone because she’s already so, so brilliant. She doesn’t have to feel when she’s working, so thats what she does with her time.

 

He knows this, because he feels the exact same way. He doesn’t let himself feel, because if he does, he wouldn’t be able to come back from it.

 

So she fills all her hours with travel and scheduled media days and working late into the dark hours of the night on who knows what.

 

He can see the slight droop of her shoulders, and the beats of silence she takes before answering a question she’s answered over a hundred times before. The telltale signs she’s exhausted.

 

All he wants is to take away her exhaustion and obvious struggle, because at the end of the day, she’s still his best friend and the love of his god damn life and he refuses to let her live like this forever.

 

He doesn’t know how exactly he’s going to find her, or make her (and himself in the process) feel better, doesn’t know how they’re going to hold onto the little to no lifeline they have left and salvage it.

 

Still at the dinner table, his food now 100% cold, all that runs through his mind are those eight words spoken all those years ago.

 

“Im not losing you this time, I wont.”

 

She made a promise to him, and he’s determined to make her keep it.

 

He doesn’t know how he’ll do it, how he’s going to track her down, when he’ll find the time to or the first thing he is going to say when he finds her.

 

But he’s hurting and so is she and thats enough motivation for right now.

 

_**— three days later —** _

 

Its been three days since he allowed himself to remember all things Tessa Virtue and for some reason he feels lighter than usual.

 

Usually, when he remembers (which is not often), he feels like shit for at least a week because she is just so overwhelming and he just misses her so fucking much.

 

But today, and the two before, he’s felt good. Its weird.

 

He walks into the rink at 6am with an actual, genuine smile and spends the morning with two of his teams who are progressing at an astonishingly fast pace, and that alone fills him with so much pride.

 

He’s been talking to Kate and his mom on the phone a little more about Tessa these past few days as well during their daily coffee dates, in an effort to try and figure out her schedule and when she might be home for more than 36 hours before she’s off again.

 

Kate and his mom notice, obviously.

 

These past few years he’s avoided the topic of Tessa Virtue like the plague.

 

Rebecca and Josh have just left their morning ice time and hes headed towards his office for lunch before Maddie and Marco come for their afternoon ice time and Taylor and Corey have the day off. Just as he sits down at his desk and pulls out his food, his phone starts buzzing in his pocket which startles him a little bit. When he pulls it out he sees its from none other than Alma Moir.

 

“Hey, mom, hows it going?” He says into the phone before he shoves a bite of sandwich into his mouth.

 

“Good, sweetheart. Ive got Kate here with me.”

 

This doesn’t take him by surprise, if he talks to his mother on the phone in the morning its usually with Kate on the other end as well.

 

“Hi, Kate. Hope coffee is going well this morning, a little colder than usual isn’t it? Looks like the snow will be here sooner than later.”

 

“Ah, Scott, coffee is going well, thank you, as it always does.” She replies, and he has now confirmed he is most definitely on speaker phone, as per usual.

 

“Well, whats the occasion that my two favourite women have decided to call me this afternoon?” He asks, trying to keep his tone light, not 100% ready for the answer. He feels like something may be wrong, he two women sound a little skittish, and in turn, that worries him.

 

He hears them mutter to each other on their side of the phone, and he just waits patiently, they’ll let him off the hook eventually.

 

They dont seem in any rush too, though, so he decides to break the silence.

 

“Is something wrong? You both seem a little uncharacteristically quiet today” he tries to laugh but it sounds like some kind of nervous wheeze.

 

“Oh, no, Scott. Nothings wrong, promise.” Kate starts “ its just, Alma and I have made the observation that you have been asking about Tessa more frequently as of late”

 

“Oh, uh, yes I guess I have” he says, trying to sound steady and not like he might puke any second because he didnt mean to be that obvious.

 

He can feel his cheeks go warm with a deep blush as he sits waiting for Kate’s reply.

 

“Well” Kate begins again, and then quietly, she mutters “she’s coming back”

 

Wait what.

 

She says it so quick he almost misses it.

 

Almost.

 

“What do you mean she’s coming back?” He tries to ask, as steady as possible, despite his heart now being in his throat and he’s pretty sure he’s sweating.

 

“She’s had enough of the travel and always being on the go. She’s so exhausted and Im thinking she’s realized just how run down she is because of it. So, she’s made her home base Montreal. She’s back for good Scott.”

 

She’s going to be back In Montreal for good.

 

She’ll be back for good.

 

“Scott?” His mother asks “are you okay?”

 

“Oh uh, yes, fine. I gotta go Marco and Maddie are here talk to you soon” and he hangs up 0.5 seconds after the words have left his mouth.

 

He feels lightheaded and the number of thoughts and scenarios running through his head right now are making him dizzy.

 

He knew she would come back home eventually, but three days after he’s decided to try and get her back in his life?

 

That’s just fucked.

 

The universe is obviously trying to tell him something and he’s not about to pass up this opportunity.

 

This is a gift.

 

**— — —**

 

Scott spends the rest of his day freaking out.

 

He cant focus on Marco and Maddie, which he feels awful about, but he’s just gotten this huge news and the only thing going through his mind for the foreseeable future is tessatessatessatessa over and over again.

 

He sends Marco and Maddie home early to get some rest and hell, he needs some rest right now.

 

He just cant get over the fact she’s actually coming home.

 

When he gets home that night he calls his mother to apologize for hanging up so quickly and that he’s just really shocked with the news he just needed some time to process.

 

After getting off the phone with his mother he calls Kate and gets to work.

 

He finds out from Kate that Tessa lands Tuesday in from Vienna and will officially be back in Canada permanently- or until she decides she needs to leave again.

 

She’s working out of her company’s head office downtown as creative director and thats she’s moving back into the apartment she had leased during the comeback.

 

She never really moved out of it, even when she was with James, she just kept paying the lease on the side for ‘just incase’ Kate had said.

 

Scott still lives in his comeback apartment. He had no reasons to sell it, its close to Gadbois and he loves it.

 

And Tessa is moving back into hers.

 

Which means once again, they will be two flights of stairs away from each other. He’s on the fifth floor, Tessa on the third, and Jesus how is this happening.

 

His heart starts racing at the thought and he doesn’t know exactly what to think other than holyshitholyshitholyshit

 

Kate also tells him that she’s asked about him, multiple times over the past few weeks.

 

About how he’s been, what he’s been doing, what does he think about her coming back to Montreal? Does he want to see her?

 

Of course he wants to see her, what kind of a question is that.

 

The fact she’s asked Kate these questions though, is slightly nauseating to him. He’s just decided that he needs her back in his life, but is he really ready to have her back?

 

Their relationship is so strained right now, he hasn’t seen her since before she and James were engaged and probably just as long since he’s actually spoken to her, wether it be over text or on the phone.

 

This is all so much to take in.

 

He knows they wont be able to just jump back to where they were, its impossible. Both of them are so broken and beat, its going to take time, and a lot of it.

 

Hes not really sure where to start, doesn’t even really want to think about it, but hes got a week to figure it all out.

__

_**— 7 Days —** _

 

He literally just sits on his couch, he cant think of anything productive to do other than obsess over the fact that Tess will be in Montreal in a week, for good.

 

He’s acting like a child and he knows it. He’s being absolutely ridiculous and he really should head to the rink to see Josh and Becca but its his day off and instead of being a good human and do things like clean his house or go grocery shopping or help walk old ladies across the street he’s sitting on his couch.

 

There is a container of last nights Thai food, two empty beer cans, a day old mug of hot chocolate and a sock sitting on his coffee table, and he cant bring himself to care about it.

 

He’s not usually this messy and lazy but for today, he’s going to let himself really take in the fact she’s coming home, and in a matter of days will be about 30 seconds and two flights of stairs away from him.

 

Its a lot to process if he’s being honest. He’s obviously over the moon that she’s coming home but they have so much shit to sort though if they want to get back to even being friends.

 

He cant even begin to think about the stuff they need to talk about, he doesn’t even know half of it.

 

So yeah, he’s happy, but he’s also terrified.

 

With that conclusion he slumps further into the couch and burrows more into his fluffy blanket and turns the volume on the tv as loud as he can take to block out all thoughts of this coming Tuesday and what it holds for him.

 

_**— 6 Days —** _

 

Hes not allowed to think anymore. Hasn’t let himself do anything but remember Tessa Virtue these past years (god he sounds pathetic and hates himself for it). He’s not about to break his streak because if yesterday showed anything, is that Scott Moir being left to his own thoughts is never good.

 

He gets himself worked up and on this emotional edge and his head is already all over the place the last thing he needs is to start thinking.

 

So he goes to the rink and coaches like he usually would, he focuses extra hard and makes sure to give his teams 110% of his focus while they’re on the ice.

 

He does it for their benefit and ultimate improvement, but also does it for himself.

 

He spends the whole day knee deep in skates and ice and paperwork and Marie and Patch are more than a little concerned when it turns to 9pm and he’s still typing away furiously on his laptop while going over Corey and Taylor’s free for the hundredth time this hour.

 

But they leave him to it, its like they can feel he’s telling them to let him be.

 

Focus, focus, focus, is his mantra for today.

 

Maybe if he focuses hard enough hell be able to forget about Tuesday

 

(he cant forget, no matter how hard he tries)

 

_**— 5 Days —** _

 

He decides he’s going to start running.

 

It’ll be his way to work off all his pent up energy and stress.

 

He hates calling it stress but when you’re about to be reunited after god knows how long with the only woman you’ve ever wholeheartedly loved after having simultaneously spent 23 years pining over her while also being her only skating partner ever, its fucking stressful.

 

So he runs.

 

He gets up at 4am. No jokes, 4am. If he gets up any later he wont be able to run a 10k and make it to the rink on time for one of his teams morning ice. So, he gets to bed at 8pm, sleeps like a baby for 8 full hours, then runs.

 

The 10k barely does anything for him. It may make him physically tired, but it does nothing to stop his brain from firing on all cylinders all hours of the day.

 

Even though he ran a 10k this morning, when he gets home from the rink at 5:30pm, he runs another 5k to put him to sleep.

 

If he’s physically tired enough, he’s able to fall asleep.

 

So, with 5 days remaining, he learns running helps (kind of).

 

At least thats what he tells himself.

 

_**— 4 Days —** _

 

Hes 90% sure he’s lost his mind.

 

Actually, make that 100% sure he’s lots his god damn motherfucking mind.

 

He was cleaning his house this morning, from top to freakin bottom because he’s learnt these past few days, if he can find something to occupy his mind, he wont think about the day that is inevitably looming closer and and closer and he’s going to have a shitfreak if he lets himself really process that she’ll be back in the same building as him in a little over 72 hours.

 

so, during his massive cleaning escapade, he finds an old box under his bed that has been there probably since he first moved in to the apartment at the end of 2015.

 

when he opens the box, he expects to find old pictures of him and Tessa, his family, maybe a childhood medal or two.

 

What he does not expect to find though, is the spare key to Tessa Virtue’s apartment (yes the one she’s moving back into later this week) staring back at him straight in the face.

 

They gave each other each a spare key when they moved in to their respected apartments. They were partners, best friends, almost lovers, why wouldn’t they have a key to each others apartment?

 

The thing is though, he never used his. Never needed it, not once.

 

When they first moved to Montreal, he would always knock and wait for her to answer the door, always. Things were still rocky between them, so no, he wasn’t just going to use his key because he could.

 

By the time they were at the stage he cold use his key, Tessa was either with him when he was going over, or she had sent him a text minutes before his arrival saying ‘doors open, come on in’

 

So yeah, he never needed the key, but never in his wildest dreams would he think he would have found it in a box under his bed.

 

When did he even put it in the box?

 

So, yes, Scott Moir has 110% without a doubt has lost his mind.

 

Because right now, 3:28pm, 4 days before Tessas arrival, he finds himself standing in the middle of the living room, Tessa Virtue’s living room to be exact.

 

He doesn’t know what possessed him to come down here, but honestly it freaks him out a little.

 

When he opened the door to her place, the alarm started going off, and without even thinking he typed in 1987 and the alarm shut off.

 

Once the alarm stopped he stood in awe for a second. He cannot actually believe she never changed the code from his birth year to something else, especially after being engaged to James and moving on from him.

 

As he walks through the apartment right now, he’s hit with nothing but nostalgia and sadness if he’s being honest.

 

Every room he goes in he sees moments with her.

 

Laughing in the kitchen after she almost set the place on fire because she put popcorn in the microwave for 8 minutes.

 

Snuggling on the couch after a long day at the rink, both dosing off during some random movie one of them put on, only to wake up at 2am and transition to her bedroom, her hand never leaving his.

 

The dining room, where they sat at that exact table for an uncountable number of meals while they talked about their hopes and dreams for the future, where they talked about what makes them the happiest while reflecting on all they’ve done and accomplished throughout their lives together.

 

Not to mention the pictures. She’s always been the one out of the two of them to keep their skating on the ice and their lives off the ice, off the ice.

 

But it seems like there are more pictures of them and their skating now, ones he’s never noticed before. There is a Mahler picture in the hallway once you enter the front door, a Moulin Rouge one in the main room that commands the attention of anyone who walks into it.

 

Not to mention what seems like a billion smaller picture frames scattered around her house. Some of them when they were little, and throughout the years, them hugging after their free at the olympics. She mixes the pictures with ones of her family and friends, you barely even notice how many skating pictures there actually are- and it puzzles him, because surely he would’ve noticed all those pictures before.

 

Then all of the sudden he’s hit with the emotion he’s been trying to burry. He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he cant see because his vision is so blurry. 

 

Hes so afraid and upset and god he cannot fuck this up. This is his last chance to get it right with her, the universe is giving him one last go at it and if he cant cash in on this gift he’s going to hate himself for it until the day he dies.

 

Hes letting it all out, and being here in Tessas apartment like a straight up crazy person just makes it so much worse. There’re so many memories in this little place his heart cant, literally cannot take it.

 

All the emotion he’s been shoving down since he lost her are all coming to fruition because he’s never really let himself grieve the loss of Tessa Virtue. She may not be dead, but he just ignored the fact she wouldn’t be around anymore. So he hurried himself in work and running and being around his family and attempting to date. Finally though, he’s letting it all go. It scared him to be feeling so intensely after having basically turned off all his emotions.

 

She’s his life line, always has been, always will be.

 

So he makes his way towards the door, key in one hand, heart in the other.

 

Just as he’s about to walk out of the door and back to his apartment, he takes in a deep, shuddering breath and says “Im going to be better for you, Tess. I promise.”

 

_**— 3 Days —** _

 

The thing he doesn’t expect today is a call from Kate at 10am.

 

There are no morning ice times today so he’s just gotten up, mulling around the house with the highlights from hockey night in Canada playing in the on the tv in background.

 

He definitely doesn’t expect her to ask him if he can be at Tessas apartment in an hour to collect her things that are being shipped from her London House. 

 

And he shocks himself yet again when he says yes.

 

What throws him off guard the most though, is when Kate tells him that Tessa specifically asked for him to be there for the delivery. Kate says that she offered to fly down and do it, even Marie and Patch offered to help out when they heard she was coming back for good from Scott.

 

“She had numerous people offer to help her, Scott. She just kept saying ‘no, no, no I need Scott to do it, just ask him if he will, please?’ To me over and over again. You seem to obviously be the only one she trusts with her things.” Kate states with a hint of annoyance and exasperation I her voice.

 

He mumbles some sort of reply and tells Kate her things will be just fine and that he’ll make sure everything is ready for when she arrives in a few days.

 

Once he hangs out the phone and has time to process what he’s just been asked, he laughs. Full on laughs at how ridiculous this whole thing is.

 

She had numerous, literally numerous people offer to help her move her things in for her. But she chose him, out of all the people.

 

This could not get anymore crazy.

 

Except it could, and it will (he just doesn’t know that yet).

 

When he gets to her door with his spare key (again) about thirty minutes before the movers are set to arrive he lets himself in, settles down at her dining table in his usual spot and pulls out his computer to look over Taylor and Corey’s free yet again.

 

The movers show up about 45 minutes later, only about 15 minutes late, which considering, is not too bad.

 

By about 2:15, everything is unloaded and put into their respective rooms. Its a little odd how Scott just knows where everything goes based on a tiny label on the side of the box- Kates writing and organization, he can tell.

 

There is just one thing puzzling him though, and its sitting right in front of him.

 

There is a box, labeled ‘Scott’ and he has no idea why there is a box with his name on it, or where he should put it.

 

He also wants to open it. So, so bad.

 

He knows this is an invasion of her privacy, but if the items in his box are his, then technically they are his property too, so he has a right to look in it if you ask him.

 

So he grabs a knife and the box and sits on the floor, box in front of him, waiting to be opened. He takes the knife and cuts all the tape as neatly as possible so he can tape it back together and look like he’s never been in it.

 

He feels guilty, but does it anyway.

 

When he opens the box, its full. Packed to the brim of all kinds of stuff. He contemplates for a moment if he should tape it back up ike nothing ever happened, but goes against his better judgment and starts digging.

 

Its mostly old t-shirts with a blanket and a few hoodies he’s given to her/forgotten at her house over the years. There are polaroids of them that are single copy, original ones that the world has never seen- she always kept those close, doesn’t surprise him she kept them. There is a picture of him and his entire family with Tessa Canada Day 2016, one of the best days ever. His Montreal expos hat is in there, along with his jean jacket from 2018, the one they shared throughout their Japan tours that year. Everyone originally thought Tessa was wearing his jacket, but concluded she wasn’t, news flash, it was his.

 

Hes been going through the box for about 30 minutes when he finally comes across the very last thing in it- something he’s never seen before. Its a velvet black box, not as small as a boxa pair of earnings would come in, its a little bit bigger, about the size of his palm. On the backside of the box, written in small letters is ‘Canada Day 2020’and hes immediately thrown for a loop. He’s got not a clue what could be in the little black box.

 

She wasn’t even there that day, he doesn’t understand why it would have that specific day scribed on the back of it.

 

When he opens it, his mouth actually drops open.

 

Its the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen- and he has 5 olympic medals.

 

Its a gold maple leaf and he’s shaking as he takes it out of the box and examines it. He feels the smooth edges, runs his fingertip over all of them, trying to wrack his brain for any information on this golden leaf.

 

Hes sure, 100% sure that Tessa has never mentioned this, and he’s even more sure he’s never seen it before. 

 

Hes knows he wasn’t supposed to find this. This is an invasion of Tessas property and for whatever reason this black box has a gold maple leaf in it and why the hell its addressed to him and on that awful day, he has no idea.

 

Before he can flip it over and take a look at the back or try and dissect the meaning of this thing any longer, he places it away and back in the ‘Scott’ labelled box. He should’ve never opened this box, never should’ve dug into what was once his and theirs together. She has a sealed box labelled with his name on it and its her box, her things. He had no right to open it.

 

So he puts all the contents of the box back into it, seals it closed again, and decides to put the box in her closet, where she can do what she likes with it.

 

Once the box is away, he heads back to the kitchen to grab his stuff and get going when he decides last minute to leave a note her for when she finally gets home.

 

‘Hey, kiddo.

 

Welcome home, it’s missed you.

See you soon.

 

S’

 

**— 2 Days —**

 

All he can think about is the leaf. It hasn’t left his thoughts since he walked out of her apartment yesterday afternoon.

 

Can you blame him?

 

And so he resorts to running again.

 

If it aint broke don’t fix it, and, well, this method hasn’t worked from the start but if he tells himself enough times it does, then hey, he’s all for being a little selective with his logic.

 

He has a new route though, as if thats gong to make all the difference. It takes him through the park and past their bench- he still laughs at himself and shakes his head every time he calls it their bench.

 

But instead of feeling sad and empty looking at it, today he feels okay. He’s got some hope brewing in his chest and a slight smile on his face, and its then he realizes he’s ready for her to back.

 

Maybe not ready for them to have to talk and figure their lives out and definitely not ready for the long road ahead of them, but he’s ready to give it everything he’s got.

 

He’s ready for the next stage of their partnership, friendship, relationship.

 

For the rest of his run, he has a smile on his face.

 

**_— 1 Day —_ **

 

 

The first grand prix assignments are coming up in a few weeks, so Scott and his teams have been working overtime in preparation.

 

Hes awake, showered, out the door and is pulling into the Gadbois parking lot before 5:30am today.

 

Him and his teams, all three are already on the ice before 6am and he can tell its going to be a productive day.

 

Today is the day that they have to have their OD and Free done for their first assignment. None of his three young, young teams can afford to be making changes days before their first competitions of the season, so they’ve got to be done today.

 

Marco and Maddie have the first slot of ice time, while the other two teams will be working off ice with Marie and Patch until their time comes.

 

It doesn’t take long to finalize everything for Marco and Maddie, they’ve been together the longest of the three pairs and at 19 and 18, they’ve got everything squared away and ready to do run-through after run-through until they can do their programs without even thinking pretty quickly.

 

Taylor and Corey are next and they have a little bit of a harder time getting their free finalized as there are a few seconds in their no-touch step sequence that they just cant get to flow right with the music. So after what seems like a year, they finally figure something out and are ready to go with both programs. These two are 16 and 15, so Scott was unsurprised that it took a little longer than it should have to get everything squared away.

 

Josh and Rebecca are 22 and 21, and just came off an amazing season. They are the favourites going into this grand prom season, and so they should be. They work harder than any other team he’s ever worked with. They just won bronze at the olympics last year and he knows they’ve got more in them, they’re going to be great.They’ve had their programs done for weeks, so the ice time they have today is just added practice.

 

By the time all the teams have had both their ice times, he’s eaten half a sandwich, gotten in contact with Mathieu for his students costumes, talked to his teams workout trainer about each of the kids progress and its 9pm and he’s exhausted.

 

He leaves the rink and gets home just before 10pm, having stopped and grabbed some Chinese food on his way home.

 

When he sits down to eat and finally relax, thats when it his him.

 

She’s coming home tomorrow.

 

He cant help the way his heart flutters and a small smile creeps across his face.

 

Because she’s coming home, and not just to Montreal. He’s not stupid. She could’ve just made London her home base, look at the house she has there. It already has all of her stuff and is actively being lived in, but she didn’t choose London, she chose Montreal.

 

Tessa Virtue has never made a decision in her entire life without having thought about it extensively first.

 

He knows she’s coming back to Montreal for work, but come on now, she’s coming back for him too.

 

— _**Tuesday**_ —

 

He wakes up with a smile on his face.

 

The sun is shining, its not too cold, and he just feels great.

 

Wether it be that the sun is out, his teams are doing great, or a certain someone is coming back into town, he doesn’t have to say.

 

Hes happy and thats all that matters, and he’s missed being happy.

 

He gets a call from Kate during his lunch break at the rink and she says Tessa’s landing in about an hour and that she will be there to pick her up and take her back home.

 

Scott will be at the rink until about 5 or 6 tonight, so he wont be seeing her today.

 

Kate says she’ll stop by to see him next time she’s in town with Alma.

 

When they get off the phone, he’s got the nervous butterflies in his stomach and his hands feel a little clammy but he’s excited, so he’s got every right to feel this way.

 

He spends he rest of the time at the rink with Taylor and Corey, they are headed to Russia for their first assignment in two weeks, so he’s putting in as many hours as he can with he pair, wanting them to be as prepared as possible.

 

Kate texts him at about 4:30 saying that Tessa is settled back home and that her flight went well. She was sleeping when Kate left and predicts that Tessa will make her way to his apartment tomorrow some time.

 

Kate also mentions how when they stepped into the elevator to head up to Tessas apartment, she pressed the third floor, and the fifth, and turned a shade of red darker than a tomato.

 

Its habit, he knows. He used to do it to after she left Montreal. During the comeback and well into 2019 when they would ride the elevator, they’d always head to their respective apartments first, and then go to one or the others for the rest of the evening.

 

So no, it doesn’t surprise him really, almost gives him a sense of comfort knowing she still holds the old habits he does.

 

He gets home around 6:30, eats dinner, and decides to head out for a walk while there is still some light. The days are going to get shorter soon, so he wants to soak up all the daylight he can.

 

He cant help but pause on the third floor as he makes his way down the stairs. It would be so easy for him to just open the stairwell door and go knock on her door and say hi.

 

But she’s traveled all day and is probably exhausted and he wants her to come to him when she’s ready. He’ll be waiting, but this is on her terms.

 

So he continues on down the stairs with a sigh, but is immediately brightened up when he opens the door to outside.

 

Its absoultley beautiful. The sun is just starting to set, so there is a pre-sunset orange glow to the sky and its breathtaking.

 

He begins his walk, decides to head to the park and visit the bench in hopes that next time he goes to the bench he may not be alone.

 

He takes his time, saying hi to whoever he passes, picking up a hot chocolate from a vendor on the way.

 

He sees a few people he knows and stops to chat, pets some dogs as he goes and really takes the time to embrace his city.

 

When he finally reaches the park he’s finished his hot chocolate and has probably talked to every person he’s seen on the way, but he feels good, feels at peace and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t go for walks like this more often.

 

Hes walking towards the bench now, hoping it’ll be empty so he can reminisce alone when he sees someone already sitting on it.

 

He grumbles to himself and almost turns away, but continues towards it when he sees the flash of a ring on the middle finger of the woman sitting on the bench.

 

He knows that ring, knows that hair, knows that little frame better than he knows himself.

 

His breath catches in his throat and he stops walking abruptly. Its then when the woman on the bench looks up from her hands and scans the area, only to land on him.

 

They lock eyes and he’s overwhelmed that her eyes are even more beautiful than he remembers and he’s rendered speechless. He can tell she is too, the way her mouth hangs open and her eyes go glassy.

 

His brain reboots and he starts walking towards the bench again, eyes never leaving hers. When he gets to it, he pulls his eyes away, gives up on logic and follows his instincts.

 

So he sits down next to her, can feel his heart beating in his face and he needs to throw up because the last person he expected to see on this bench tonight was her.

 

They both sit there, in silence for who knows how long before Tessa decides to break it.

 

Its small, and he almost misses it, the softest “Hi” he’s ever heard out of her mouth.

 

He pauses after she says it, then replies “hey, kiddo.”

 

The tension is cut instantly and he feels her relax beside him, and he does too. There is a smile on his face and a soft one on hers that he cant see but knows is there.

 

They just sit like that for a little while, absorbing the silence and the presence of each other.

 

Hes about to get up and head home when she does something he never would have guessed she would do in a billion years.

 

He feels her shift closer to him, shoulders pressed against each other.

 

A few more minutes pass like this until she then hesitantly grabs his free hand, interlaces her fingers with his and rests her head on his shoulder.

 

He could cry, he’s so overwhelmed with every emotion in the book.

 

Who knows how long later it is when she lets out a sigh and a sentence he’s been waiting to hear for what seems like a lifetime.

 

“Ive missed you”

 

He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Just sits there, speechless.

 

She then picks up her head off his shoulder, gives his hand a squeeze and lets it go, stands up and walks away.


	4. It Hasnt Been Easy, Letting Go of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> canada day 2020 - septmeber 2023 a look into the last three years of tessa virtues life.
> 
> *mentions of spousal abuse, nothing graphic or detailed, but it’s mentioned*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!  
> i hate me too.  
> im so sorry for getting this chapter up for so long, my life has been somethin these past few months so im incredibly sorry for not getting this out sooner.  
> i hope youll still read along, this fic is still my baby. 
> 
> xo

**_— July 2nd 2020 —_ **

 

“i dont want her” 

 

Those four words are the only words she’s been hearing for the past twelve hours on a steady loop. 

 

She’s cried so much she’s pretty sure she’s shed enough tears to fill a gallon jug of water, easy. 

 

She just cant fathom how she was so wrong, so off about everything she felt and how she assumed he felt back. The chemistry is palpable between them, on and off the ice. She’s tied to him in every way shape and form and she just doesn’t believe how wrong she was. 

 

She’s humiliated, angry, disappointed. 

 

All she ever wanted was him, for him to love her as much as she loves him. 

 

But he doesn’t want her, never has, never will. He said it himself. She should’ve known, shouldn’t have been so foolish, shouldn’t have let her feelings get out of control. 

 

This isn’t her fault, she cant force him to love her. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less though. 

 

If the thought that she cold have potentially done this to herself because she let her feelings get out of control makes her so angry she throws, actually throws her empty cup of coffee at the wall, causing it to shatter, she doesn’t care because she’s upset and she’ll throw whatever the fuck she wants at her wall and no one can say anything about it. 

 

She’s finally stopped crying and is coming to some sort of acceptance of her now Scott-less future when he texts her that afternoon saying ‘ _missed you yesterday, hope to see your pretty face soon. Canada day is never the same without you.’_

If the text causes her to scream and then fall into yet another sobbing session, no one has to know.

 

She’s cried so much she vomits eventually. She’s never felt like this before, literally ever and it’s the worst feeling in the entire world. She feels so empty. 

 

This has broke her. Her heart is cracked, can feel the crack start and work its way through the centre of her heart. Shes desperately trying to hold it together, keep it whole and from breaking, but without him , it’ll never be the same. 

 

**— — —**

 

She doesn’t sleep, eat, or leave her house for three and a half days. 

 

Her phone has been off since Scott sent her that text two days ago, refuses to look at the screen and know what shes going to see.

 

Unfortunately, her time in seclusion ends when Jordan comes banging on her door wondering what the hell has happened to her these last couple of days. Jordan tells her that Scott hasn’t stopped calling her for two days because he and the rest of the planet haven’t heard from her since Canada day. 

 

Tessa sighs and puts her head in her hands, doesn’t know what else to do at this point. She isn’t ready to see him again, isn’t ready to go back to faking like she’s happy around him and that nothing is wrong. Things are very wrong and she is not happy. She’s too emotionally spent and won’t torture herself like that. 

 

So instead of turning into a hermit and starving herself to death unintentionally or dying of a broken heart she spills her guts to Jordan the second she sits down beside Tessa on the couch and asks “whats going on, Tess. We’re all really worried.” 

 

It takes her over an hour and yet another breakdown before she finishes telling Jordan everything. About the maple leaf and their moment at the rink a few days ago, how she is so desperately in love with him she doesn’t know what to do with herself, how she thought he felt the same way and then the bomb that was dropped on her three and a half days ago.

 

“ _i dont want her.”_

 

Its four words she never thought shed hear in her entire life, espically from him. But she wont deny how good it feels to finally let it out and tell someone, anyone, about how she’s feeling and the shitstorm thats going on inside her head and heart. Jordan is the perfect person and she’s been nothing but attentive the entire time Tessas been pouring the contents of her heart and her head out into the open the last hour. 

 

When she finally finishes speaking the only thing Jordan does is hug her sister. She doesn’t have the words to make Tessa feel better, they both know it. The hug is enough. Its her saying its going to be okay, and that she’s here for her and that she’ll get through this because she’s the strongest woman she knows. 

 

Its a silent promise to stand by her during this time, and Tessa has never been so grateful for her big sister. 

 

Jordan had plans to go and see some friends for lunch after stopping by Tessa’s, but after seeing the mess that is her little sisters heart, she calls them to reschedule. 

 

Instead she spends the day curled up on the couch with Tessa, watching reruns of their favourite movies, doing facemarks and eating ice cream. Even though Tessa and Scott didn’t exactly breakup ( she knows they were never together in the first place ) helping her sister though this is just as important, maybe even more so, considering the extent of their fucked up who knows whats going on of a relationship. 

 

Jordan leaves that night feeling better that she knows her sister has eaten and hasn’t cried in over five hours. She knows its going to be hard for Tess, but its Tessa. She’s going to be okay. 

 

Tessa falls asleep that night considerably less upset than she has been these past few days. Spending the afternoon and part of the evening with Jordan really made her feel better. 

 

—- —- —- 

 

No more wallowing. 

Its been four days and she is no longer going to sulk around and wait for some miracle to happen and have Scott come barging into her house with an engagement ring and promise of forever (no matter how much shed like that).

 

Thats not happening, so she’s going to adjust and accept and move on. She’ll never not love him, its impossible. She knows he’s it for her, has been since she was about 18. No one will ever be able to make her as happy as he can, but thats okay. She can live each day knowing she still gets him as her best friend and confidant, she’ll take him in any shape or form he’ll allow. 

 

She’s obviously not ‘it’ for him, and thats something she’s starting (read: failing) to come to terms with. Its not going to be easy, but one day once he’s married she’ll look at him with his wife and his three kids and not wish it was her standing next to him, and not wish those were her kids, they’ll be light hair and blue eyed instead of dark haired and green eyed. 

 

She’ll be okay, life isn’t going to wait for her to get over him, so shes got to go back to living. 

 

She decides to keep all the things he’s given her/left at her house over the years because she wont let go of those items they mean too much to her to throw away. Shes decided to not love him anymore, not kill him off completely. So she packs all of the things into a box, labels it with his name and tucks it away in the very back of her closet. 

 

Out of sight out of mind. 

 

**_— Fall 2020 —_ **

 

Living proves not to be as easy as expected when shes around Scott.

 

She can no longer allow herself to melt into his touch off ice flinches even sometimes. She sees the look of hurt and confusion on his face when she does and it adds another little crack to her heart every time. No more sleepovers at her apartment 5 nights a week, cuddling on the couch is now much too uncomfortable. No more random hugs and cheek kisses and extended gazes. Shes got to break the string that attaches them so deeply. She needs to exist in a world with Scott Moir, not a world that revolves around Scott Moir.

 

She wants him, needs him in her life. But for once in the entire time shes known him, they have to be strictly friends. If thats even possible at this point.

 

So yeah, living normally without Scott as a constant presence is weird. He’s been apart of her daily life for so long, its hard when she expects him to be there in her kitchen in the morning making breakfast, in her bed in the middle of the night snoring softly, or beside her on the couch while shes going through her emails and waiting for him to tell her to take a chocolate break.

 

Every time it happens, her heart clenches and it cracks a little more. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore, but it still happens.

 

Its not like she doesn’t see him anymore. No way. They still get brunch every Sunday, its just they meet at the brunch spot at 11am instead of going from her bed to the restaurant whenever they feel like it.

 

She still goes over to the Moirs for dinner once a month, its just she shows up by herself with a bottle of wine for Alma and Joe and she leaves at the end of the night instead of crashing in Scotts bed because shes had too much to drink, she doesn’t even have one glass of wine at dinner anymore, cant risk being told to stay. It would hurt too much. 

 

Things are normal, its just a new normal shes forcing herself to adjust too.

 

What isn’t normal, is when she gets a call during her morning run in the park by her house one Friday in September before work from a number shes never seen before. 

 

She could ignore it, but shes feeling curious, so she slows down to a walk and answers. 

 

“This is Tessa Virtue how can I help you?” 

 

She hears a breathy laugh on the other end of the phone before a male voice speaks.

 

“Well hello, Tessa Virtue. This is James Baxter, from Canada day. We met on the boat, I was drunk, made some weird joke I cannot for the life of me remember now. Ring any bells?” 

 

Shes taken by surprise that its him, but of course she remembers him. How could she not remember those piercing blue eyes and that loud, unapologetic laugh. 

 

She smiles as she responds “of course I remember. How could I forget such an introduction?”

 

“I was hoping you’d say that. I hope you dont think this is weird, me calling you. I asked your sister for your number a while back and have just finally worked up enough nerve to call you.” 

 

She rolls her eyes at Jordan giving out her number to people shes only met once, but she feels herself blush before answering anyway, “oh you should’ve called sooner! And dont even worry, not weird at all. Did you need something?” 

 

He laughs over the phone again and it brings a genuine smile to her face. She decides then she really likes his laugh.

 

“Well, I called in hopes that I could convince you to let me take you out to dinner. I would really like to get to know the one and only Tessa Virtue better.” 

 

She pauses before answering, unsure of how to proceed. Her heart is torn in two different directions but she knows she needs to move on from Scott and going out for dinner with James could be wonderful and the start of something really nice, right?

 

She takes the plunge despite the pit in her stomach “Id love too, James.” 

 

“Really?” She hears him audibly sigh with relief and cant help but laugh under her breath at it “that sounds great, would tonight work? Pick you up at 7?” 

 

“Sure, thats perfect. I’ll text you my address. See you then.” 

 

“See you then, Tessa.” 

 

She smiles the rest of her run home, and for the first time in months shes excited and ready to get out there and see what happens. 

 

What happens is something shed never have expected. 

 

Her first date with James is nothing like shes ever experienced. He opens the car door for her both at her house and once they arrive at dinner. He takes her to a really nice restaurant, pulls out her chair and treats her like a queen and they’ve only been together an hour. 

 

He asks about her day and genuinely cares about what she has to say, asks follow up questions, laughs at the appropriate times and never interrupts. He’s so attentive to her. 

 

The way he talks about his family is something out of a movie, he adores his parents, his siblings and his nieces and nephews, he’s already got five. 

 

Hes a lawyer with his own firm and was named one of Canadas most influential people in 2019. He has a dog named pancake and bunny named snickers for when his oldest niece (aka his favourite niece) comes over because she just loves bunnies and her siblings are both allergic to them.

 

He got snickers for her and its the sweetest thing Tessa has ever heard, her heart swells with admiration for him. 

 

The night flies by. They’re at the restaurant for three hours before the staff tells them they’re closing in twenty minutes. 

 

He pays the bill without even taking a glance in her direction. He helps her put her coat on as they leave and grabs her hand on the way out. 

 

When he goes to drop her off at her house at the end of the night she asks if he would like to come in and talk some more, and he does. They dont do anything but talk, about anything and everything. 

 

Its 1am when he leaves. 

 

He kisses her goodbye, softly and without expecting anything in return. 

 

When he’s finally out the door and in his car, she closes the door and sinks down to the floor, a smile plastered on her face. Shes been absolutely swept off her feet and feels on top of the world. 

 

Its then she realizes that this, James, could be her something great. 

 

Shes ready to take the plunge into this uncharted territory, no mater how much it scares her.

 

—- —- —- 

 

Things move quickly after this. 

 

They’re inseparable for the first month and her entire family loves him before they even meet him. Jordan and her mom are already guessing when he’s going to propose after they’ve been dating barely three months. 

 

Hes one of the kindest, most down to earth guy shes ever met, he makes her smile and laugh constantly. He brings her flowers every Tuesday to brighten her day because he found out about two weeks into their relationship she feels depressed on tuesadys, her least favourite day of the week. 

 

He takes her to Paris the first time for their sixth month anniversary. They spend a week and a half in a French villa just outside of France and its one of the best vacations shes ever been on. Its relaxing and full of love and she catches a glimpse at what forever could look like with James. 

 

When they get back from their trip he asks her to move into his house with him and the house is everything shes ever dreamed. She has her own reading nook and office and she feels home the second all her things are unpacked. 

 

They go on trips all the time, spend new years in Paris, spend their one year anniversary in Thailand. They dont just travel though, they spend quiet nights at home watching movies and eating ice cream, go shopping at farmers markets. She brings him lunch at his office every couple days and makes quick friends with his coworkers. He goes to all of her speaking engagements and always stops by her photoshoots to help pick out the best pictures. Its everything she could ever want with him, and dare she say it, but shes in love with this man.

 

Shes hopeful for her future with James, knows its bright. She can picture their wedding day and a few kids running around one day, pancake at their heels.

 

It scares her, because before she met James, the only person should could ever picture all those things with was Scott. 

 

While things with James are great, and getting better each and everyday, things with Scott and the Moirs increasingly get worse. 

 

It happens kind if all of the sudden, throwing her way off guard. 

 

She starts missing dinners more often than attending them, starts cancelling brunches and makeup coffee dates more than shed like to admit.

 

She knows shes been busy doing a million things and travelling and moving in with her boyfriend and living the best life she could imagine. 

 

But she wills herself to hold onto her favourite person. She cant lose him, she promised him all those years ago and will die trying to keep it, he deserves that much from her.

 

But her schedule is packed and she starts to falter. She calls him as much as she can, texts even more. Seems all she does is apologize to him for canceling, remakes plans, cancels and apologizes again. 

 

Hasn’t been to a Moir dinner in months, and almost misses Christmas in 2021. 

 

She knows in the deepest part of her Scott deserves more than what shes giving. Everyone around her knows he deserves more and shes trying so, so desperately to keep him close. 

 

Its just so hard when shes meant to be in thirty places at once for her work, trying to see her own family whenever she can, keeping her relationship smooth sailing and be able to make time for her best friend. 

 

He deserves more than coffee whenever time allows and she has a full blown breakdown one day at home while James is in California for a conference and she completely forgets about lunch with Scott because she had a last minute Skype with the editors of vogue concerning her upcoming spread. 

 

He texts her an hour after they were supposed to meet, and its one of the saddest things shes ever seen. ‘I _know youre busy kiddo. Its okay you missed lunch. There is always next time, right? I hope to see you soon, I miss you.’_

 

Thats the thing though, she doesn’t know if there is a next time, doesn’t know the next time shes going to be able to see him in person and give him a hug or hear his laugh or see the way his eyes light up when he talks about his new teams or what his family has been up too.

 

Shes an awful person to him and shes reminded every damn day she should be better to him. 

 

But she has spread herself way too thin and somethings gotta give. So, as usual, its them. 

 

The only way she keeps from hating herself is by repeating one phrase like a mantra over and over again “ _you were never meant to last, you were never meant to be forever, you were never meant to be happy.”_

 

She says it so much she believes it. It may be a lie, but she has to survive somehow, she hopes he understands.

 

— — — 

 

She loves James and loves her life. Shes just not happy is all.

 

She hasn’t felt herself smile a genuine Tessa Virtue smile or laugh a big laugh in who knows how long. She just doesn’t feel happy anymore. 

 

A huge part of her is missing, her heart is just about cracked all the way though now, every day it gets worse. So no, she cant bring herself to be happy when shes let him, and herself down, time and time again.

 

She regrets cutting the tie that kept them together, regrets everything about how she handled losing him that night in 2020, but she didn’t know what else to do, and shes paying for it now.

 

She just knows she could be so, so happy with Scott by her side, knows they could’ve been extraordinary together, without a doubt she knows this. 

 

But he didn’t want her. 

 

So she continues on loving James and loving her life, just not in the way she should. 

 

**_— 2022 —_ **

 

She sees Scott February 20, 2022. She doesn’t know then its going to be the last time she seems him until September 2023. They go for a quick coffee to catch up. He’s guarded, so is she. There is no more effortless conversation, no more of that undeniable love between them when they’re together, platonic or romantic. At this point she doesn’t even know if they’re considered friends and that adds yet another crack to her already fractured heart.

 

She can see the sadness in his eyes whens she needs to leave. Its always her to leave first, always. Shes always too busy for him, and she absolutely hates herself for it. Hates herself for a lot of things these days.

 

The last thing she says to him after giving him a quick hug is “ ill see you around Scott, dont be a stranger.” 

 

She knows its not him who will ever be the stranger. 

 

She cries her entire ride to the airport. 

 

—- —- —-

 

James proposes in Paris, ontop of the Eiffel Tower on March 15, 2022. 

 

Shes taken abruptly off guard and screams when he gets down on one knee and blurts out before he’s even said anything “yes! James, yes!” 

 

She cries as he puts the ring on her finger. The diamond is too big and too sparkly and honestly a really ugly cut but probably cost the most (would bet money thats why James bought this one) and not what she would have ever chose, but its fine. 

 

The tears she cries aren’t happy tears though, and as she promises to spend the rest of her life with James, the only thing going though her mind is ‘ _no no no no, youre not him. Could never be him. I want it to be him.”_

 

Shes crying because her heart officially breaks in half once he slides the ring on her finger. The cracks have been forming since Canada day 2020, and today was the final straw, this should be one of the happiest moments of her life, and shes never been more upset.

 

Hes never going to be hers and shes never going to be his. Its pathetic that shes still hung up on him when shes been treating him like shit for two years and hasn’t bothered to try and change. 

 

But what can she say, she cant excuse her actions. She knows what shes done and has to live with the consequences, own up to what shes done.

 

Her heart wants to love Scott Moir, her heart will only ever love Scott Moir, thats a fact.

 

Her head may love James baxter, but there is a Scott Moir sized hole in her chest that wont ever be filled by anyone but him. 

 

Shes going to be Tessa Jane Mccormick Virtue-Baxter instead of Tessa Jane Mccormick Virtue-Moir and feels physically ill at the thought. 

 

She could’ve said no, could’ve rejected him and headed back to London alone and lived out her days being sad and lonely.

 

But she doesn’t say no because she loves James, loves their life together. Shes complacent and at this point in her life is ready to settle for easy, and not go after what she wants, its too late for that now. 

 

So she puts a bandaid over the hole in her chest, ignores the pain there every morning when she wakes up to blue eyes instead of hazel and continues on living, because that what Tessa Virtue does, she lives (even if she feels like shes dying). 

 

If she doesn’t wear her ring out in public for the first month of their engagement she blames it on the ring size, even though its a perfect fit. 

 

—- —- —- 

 

The days go by in a blur, she smiles when shes supposed too, starts to travel more and more, spending less time at home and more in hotels and in the air. 

 

When shes home her and James argue about everything and anything. 

 

Wedding dates, her work, his work, why she hasn’t called his mother in three days to say hello (she hates his mother, has since the first day she met her when she said “i heard all those awful things about your old partner dear. Seems like you dodged a bullet getting with my boy) they even argue about what to eat for dinner most days. 

 

Shes slowly breaking down, can feel herself losing pieces of her soul, shes less and less herself, struggles to find things that fill her with purpose and spends less and less time trying to hide how shes doing because shes not doing well. 

 

James starts to become aggressive, starts throwing things and threatening to smack her around if she doesn’t smarten up or act as he wants. He wants her to be perfect, wants her to be a stay at home trophy wife and live out her days pleasing him. Shes never been that person, never has and never will be. She is a powerful woman in this world and will not spend her time trying to please a man, ever. It crushes her that he thinks that low of her. She laughs because he’s supposed to be her biggest supporter, not her biggest oppressor.

 

She doesn’t wear her engagement ring in the house anymore, only in public because the last thing she needs is to be questioned about the not so obvious issues with her relationship. The press is bad enough, she needs some peace. So she fakes it, always repeating in her head “ _keep smiling, look engaged, youre happy, keep smiling, look engaged, youre happy.”_ When really all she wants to do is curl into a ball and cry. 

 

James is a piece of shit she soon comes to realize.shoudlve realized as soon as he started demanding that she live to please him, but she didn’t, not in time, Its a hard reality to face but the night he slaps her for the first time is when she knows she needs to get out of this relationship, out of this house. 

 

She never thought he’d hit her, lay a hand on her, belittle her the way he does and it makes her so unbelievably angry and sad. She feels too many emotions towards him she eventually goes numb. 

 

She doesn’t know how to get out, so she fills her days and nights with even more events and galas and travel and work trips. 

 

They may be Canadas power couple to the press and the world, the most supportive couple you ever did see the definition of couple goals. They have standing lunch dates with Justin and Sophie Trudeau, they rule the world in the courtroom and on the internet, invited to every high class even you could think of, but they’re the complete opposite within their own four walls.

 

When shes home she sleeps in the guest bedroom, refuses to be anywhere near him. Shes terrified of what he’ll do next and cries herself to sleep and just wishes she could call Scott, beg him to come save her from the mess her life is, take her away and make her feel safe in the way only he could. She hasn’t felt safe in so, so long.

 

But she treated him like trash so she deserves what shes getting. If she could go back and change it all she would. She would have told Scott she loved him that night at the rink, would have given him the leaf that night, would’ve gotten it all off of her chest. She could be living a complete different life right now. She would never have said yes to that first date with James. She could’ve lived a good life pining over Scott, could’ve been happy with him as her best friend. She was happy when she was around him. 

 

But she cant go back and she thought she needed to move on, boy was she wrong. 

 

**_— June 2022 —_ **

 

The day she comes home to find he’s cheated on her it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders. Its so much to take in she runs to the bathroom and spills the contents of her stomach into the toilet. When she finishes, she sits up and actually smiles, for the first time is who knows how long.

 

Hes the worst person shes ever known and hasn’t felt this kind of relief in what seems like forever. 

 

Her and Jordan pack her things as quick as possible and she leaves behind her engagement ring and key to the house without a second look. 

 

Tessa and Jordan drive back to her London house in complete silence. The entire time, her mind racing, no longer worrying abut the next time James will snap and hit her, no longer scared about coming home for 24 hours too long before having to leave again, no longer worrying about having to pretend to love him in public, she hasn’t loved him in a long, long time. She doesn’t have to pretend like he’s the greatest person to walk the earth. She doesn’t have to live a lie anymore.

 

Shes free. 

 

**_— July 2023 —_ **

 

Being free from James may be one thing, but shes not free from her responsibilities, or the press. 

 

They poke and they prod and shes beyond exhausted. The media storm that ensued when the world found out Tessa and James split must’ve been the scandal of the century the way the world reacted. But she didn’t care, the world could speculate and say what they wanted. He cheated, no she did, there is a secret love child with Tessa and Scott, that split them up, James is bankrupt.. etc etc. all lies all bullshit. She wishes she could share her story of abuse and oppression with the man who was supposed to love her and be her biggest fan, but shes not about to expose herself like that, wouldnt be able to handle it.

 

No matter the press, being away from James was exhilarating. She could do whatever she wanted and not have to give a shit about anyone else.

 

So she picked up more and more projects. Modelling, jewelry, clothing lines, started a youtube channel because why the fuck not. 

 

Shes been a social medial mogul per say since 2018, but these past couple of years shes surpassed her expectations of what she thought shed be able to achieve career wise through social media. 

 

Shes not home for more than 18hours at a time before shes off again. 

 

And when she is home, its laundry, a nap, repack, another nap, and then she blinks and her uber is waiting for her outside to take her on her next adventure. 

 

Shes basically traveled the globe now, only a handful of countries remain unvisited. 

 

Its been just over a year now since she finally was cut from James and shes exhausted, always is, wants nothing more than to actually find someone who fills her with love and purpose and makes her want to come home. 

 

She doesn’t have a home anymore, not really. Her London house is more of a pitstop thats impersonal and really just a place to crash when she has a second or six. 

 

She wants kids and a dog and to not be exhausted every second of the day. 

 

Shes tired of smiling whens shes not happy, is tired of saying the same things over and over again. She has more than enough money to keep her more than comfortable until she dies but she just cant stop. 

 

Because when she stops and thinks she just gets sad and starts to retreat into herself, starts to go to bad places mentally that she knows she wouldn’t be able to recover from. She misses her old life, she hasn’t seen her family in months, hasn’t skated in years. 

 

She misses the ice, misses Scott and his family and the endless love and acceptance between the Virtues and the Moirs. 

 

So she doesn’t stop. Cant stop, wont allow herself to miss that old life, because its never coming back. She just wishes she could relive it for one day. 

 

But she cant, so its go, go, go, with no end in sight.

 

— —- — 

 

She has a breakdown in the middle of September at her moms house. 

 

Shes just travelled from Bali and is in town for three days before heading out to Vienna for another mandatory event that she just cannot miss (according to anyone who means something in the social media world, everyone is going to be there) she has a complete breakdown. 

 

She hasn’t slept in two days, hasn’t eaten in double that. Shes never been so exhausted in her entire life and is getting terribly ill because of it. 

 

The second she walks into her moms house she collapses onto the floor and sobs. There wasn’t anything specific to make her snap, it was just the culmination of life coming at her full throttle since 2020 and she just cannot handle it anymore. 

 

Its after shes calmed down and has eaten her first good meal since what seems like 2021 she realizes she cant do it anymore, wont do it anymore. The travel, the expectation, the constant pull on her from every direction, of everyone needing a piece of her. She just cant, its too much.

 

She cancels every engagement she has for the next three months other then her trip to Vienna the next day. 

 

She calls her landlord from when she lived in Montreal and tells him she will be moving back for good next week. Shes been paying the rent since even after she moved in with James, she loves her Montreal apartment and just couldn’t sell it, something always holding her back.

 

Once she gets off the phone with ere landlord she feels better already. Shes always loved Montreal, its always felt like home. 

 

When she asks her mom about Scott for the first time in forever, shes nothing but surprised. Her momtells her he’s good and about his coaching and how Alma and her are slightly worried he’s working too much. She fills her in on Alma and the Moirs and that she and Alma go for coffee multiple times a week, how the kids are getting so big and never fail to ask about aunt Tessa. How Scott got a dog and has three super great teams at gadbois. 

 

Shes glad hes good, glad that her mom and Alma are still as close as ever. Tessa’s heart swells for him and his success, and shes excited to have the chance to reconnect with him and the Moirs.

 

Shes missed them all terribly. 

 

— —- — 

 

Its three days until shes due back in Montreal when she rings her mom to ask her the most absurd question. 

 

She asks her mom to ask Scott if he could be there to collect her things from the movers. She doesn’t know why she decided she wanted Scott to do it. They haven’t talked in over a year, haven’t seen in each other in person for even longer, but she knows if he’s there to collect her things, it’ll all go smoothly. 

 

Her mom isn’t very on board at first but Tessa is sure that Scott is the only person who will be able to do this (despite offers from Marie, patch, Maddie and Zach..ect) it has to be him. 

 

When Kate texts her that afternoon that Scott has agreed to do it, she smiles the rest of the day. 

 

— — — 

 

She lands in the Montreal airport at 1:29pm, and is ready to nap for three days the second she touches down. 

 

She had a wonderful time on her trip and it was nice knowing shell be able to work on all her projects from an office downtown Montreal instead of who knows where in the world. 

 

She feels a sense of comfort at the fact she knows where she is going to be for the next little while, Montreal is a city she loves and shes relieved the she knows her way around, doesn’t have to worry about getting lost or hating the place. 

 

Shes ready to come home, ready to breathe for the first time since she left James.

 

Her mom picks her up around 2pm and they head to her favourite restaurant right away for a late lunch. They chat and talk and for the first time in a while Kate can feel that Tessa is more relaxed and is already feeling less stressed. She was so worried about her baby girl and is excited to have her so close (not that Montreal is close to London but she’ll take what she can get). 

 

Her mom drops her off at her place at 4:00, after lunch and picking up a few errands on the way home. 

 

She smiles whenever she thinks of the word home, because its true, she really is coming home.

 

She walks in the door and goes straight to the bedroom. 

 

She notices right away that Scott put away almost all of her boxes and unpacked the ones of things he knew where to put. 

 

Her heart swells and she knows shes done for. Shes loved him all this time, and him being back in her life (hopefully soon and without a girlfriend) is the chance shes been waiting for. They have to get it right this time, she needs this, needs him. 

 

She flops onto her bed, snuggles under her covers and falls asleep almost immediately.

 

She wakes up around 7pm and waltzes into the kitchen to get some water, shes going to have to go grocery shopping tomorrow because she has negative food and really doesnt plan on starving to death, shes learnt how to cook (somewhat) which is exciting.

 

She sits down at her kitchen table and is surprised when she sees a note. She assumes its from Lawrence, her landlord welcoming her back, but is shocked to see its from Scott. 

 

She reads and rereads it over and over again

 

‘Hey, kiddo. 

Welcome home, it’s missed you. 

See you soon. 

S’ 

She didn’t think shed cry seeing his handwriting and the use of her old nickname, but she does. Its a lot to take in, but to know he wants to see her, its everything and more.

 

She decides to go for a walk to clear her head and contemplate how she wants to reunite with Scott. Its got to be perfect, has to be special. She wants to see him right now, is doing everything she can to not run up the two floors and give him a hug, but that would be too much, way too soon.

 

So instead of doing that, shes going to walk around her favourite city that shes missed so terribly. 

 

While on her walk, she feels as if shes never left, feels so comfortable walking around and taking in everything shes missed. 

 

Her walk takes her to her and Scotts park, she laughs when she catches herself calling it that. 

 

She ends up at their bench, cue another laugh, and she sits down. It feels weird to not have him here with her while on the bench, wrong almost. She hasn’t been here since before they left to Peyongchang. Its crazy to think shes spent so much time away. 

 

She so deep in thought she doesn’t realize when someone starts walking towards the bench to sit down, so she shuffles over to the edge and waits for the person to sit down. Shes about to say something whens she looks up and around her and suddenly meets the last set of eyes she expected to see tonight. 

 

He looks so beautiful. He hasn’t aged a freakin day, and his eyes shine as bright as ever. Shecant pull her eyes away, just sits there, mouth agape, eyes locked. 

 

Their eyes only leave each other when he sits down on the other end of the bench. She doesn’t know how but she instantly relaxes once he sits down. She may feel relaxed but her mind is racing and she has no idea what to say or if she should say anything or if she should just get up and run for the hills.

 

_Dont overthink it_ she tells herself. 

 

So she doesn’t, she takes a deep breath, turns to him slightly and mutters the quietest “hi” in her entire life. 

 

She sees his eyes and his face light up with a smile, and he replies “hey, kiddo.” 

 

She cant help the smile on her face at the nickname, still cannot fathom that he’s here right now, sitting beside her. 

 

This is a second chance at having everything shes ever wanted, so she throws caution to the wind and shuffles closer to him, until their shoulders are pressed together. Her heart is beating out of her face but she hasn’t gotten to touch him in forever. 

 

She can feel the heat radiating off of him, knows his heart is beating as fast as hers. Shes feeling risky tonight so she decides to take another leap and grabs his hand and interlaces their fingers while moving to rest her head on his shoulder. 

 

She lets out a sigh and she feels a few tears run down her cheeks. Shes missed him, and his comfort so fucking much. 

 

His hands are warm and comforting and he’s rubbing soft circles into her hand with his thumb and she feels nothing but pure happiness. They’re going to be okay, everything is going to work out. 

 

She doesn’t know how long they sit there in silence but she needs to say something, so she says the first thing that comes to mind “ive missed you”

 

He doesn’t reply and he doesn’t need too, not right now.

 

So instead of waiting for him to reply, she picks her head up off his shoulder, squeezes his hand, lets go, stands up and walks away. 

 

She half hopes he’ll follow her back home but knows the last however long has been a lot for both of them. 

 

She cries happy tears the whole way home, smiling the entire time. 

 

When she gets back to her apartment she takes off her coat, turns on the tv and blasts the music station and dances until shes red faced and sweaty and ready for bed. 

 

She hasn’t danced and sang her heart out and felt this good in so, so long. 

 

When she finally decides to call it a night, she goes through the boxes Scott put in her room in an effort to find some pyjamas and finds his box. 

 

She stares at it for five minutes, before doing anything with it. 

 

She decides to open it, and the only thing she takes out is that little black box filled with the most important thing she could ever give him, and still wants to give him. 

 

Instead of putting the box back in the box, she takes it and moves it to her side table. She wants it close, wants the reminder of what she wants, or who she wants and the endless happiness that will come with it and him in the end. 

 

“not today, not tomorrow, but soon you will get that box, Scott Moir.”

 

Those are the last things she says before climbing into bed and falling into a deep, undisturbed sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: scott tries to figure out how to become a part of tessas daily routine again 
> 
> come yell at me on twitter i deserve it @moremoir


End file.
